My Earth Native Name is
Holding Rainbow Warrior Woman

My Blood Line

My great (or great great) grandmother was full blood Chickasaw and I have a little Cherokee mixed into my American 'melting pot' heritage of Irish/English and then full German on my father's side. I am not into genealogy but I know I am of German, Celtic, old English and native American decent. If I ever researched any it would be on the Native side. Unfortunately all the relative from that side have passed but someday I will get around to doing the genealogy and get the blood line traced. I was lucky enough to see a brown and white, tin type picture of my the grandmother. She was in full native dress with long braids, laying in her coffin. I wish I would have known the dress colors. She would never allow pictures taken of her alive and my  grandfather loved her so much he had the only picture ever taken of her at the end. By her wishes,  her spirit was never touched by the camera and yet he had her physical vision to remember. I regret not knowing more about this part of my history. I was taken to a tribal ceremonial dance once as a child but alas I was so young I can not remember much about it.

Always with Nature

I have always been blessed with the sighting of rainbows and always loved the rain. Storms never scared me and I would always wish to be out in them. Afterwards, as soon as my mom would let me I would be outside to play so I have seen many rainbows. I have always had a kinship with Fae and earth spirits, speaking to the trees as friends. I have always verbalized the wonderment and beauty to flowers, thanking them for making me smile. I started my first garden, with no parental help under the age of ten. My interest in herbs, healing, and ceremonies have been with me through out my life. As a teen I  became very involved with several wild life campaigns including PAWS (Protecting American Wolves Society) which I did walks, hikes, and school demonstrations with, whale protection, eagle awareness, and dolphin protection. I wanted to be a veterinarian because I could get along with any animal and seemed to understand their communication with me.

Learning of the word "Rainbow" and Black Elk

In 1997 people started asking me if I was a rainbow. When I said no, they would tell me I was wrong. When I asked them what they meant, they said that I knew, to just listen and I would understand. Then people started asking me if I was a Rainbow Warrior. Again I said no. Again they told me I was wrong. Often people called me Rainbow Warrior Woman, even after I told then I was not a rainbow, and did not have a clue as to what they were talking about.

On my spiritual retreat in Montana of 1998, many things happened. I take this spiritual retreat and vacation to Montana each year to refresh myself physically and spiritually, to take a spiritual journey for myself.  I am assured of being touched deeply each time I go. Particularly because Avea, who I stay with in Montana, has been the dearest of friends for years. She and I have the strongest type of spiritual connections and talk for many, many hours. Our meditations, Tai Chi and Chi Kung together has vastly accelerated many spiritual learning. It was during this visit that I was told I must move forward with the Spiritual Network as a physical entity. I learned that I must surrender to Spirit after so many years of fighting my connections and my path. I know it sounds odd to fight your path but the one I was to walk was, and sometimes still is, scary for me. With the commitment to Spirit that I would indeed go full throttle and devote myself fully to this task I felt a calm I had never know with the tingle of excitement knowing there was so much more now that I had given into Spirit.

Avea has a small but eclectic gathering of books. And in this new comfortable feeling I can still remember walking over to her shelf and picking up "Black Elk Speaks". From somewhere forgotten I remember reading that this was the book that many Native American's deemed holy and special. I asked her what she knew about it and if she read it and we talked for a while before I traveled down the hallway of her log home to the bedroom to read. This was the second book of the trip that I totally absorbed. I stayed up late reading and got coffee in the morning and walked down the hill to the pond and kept reading. That night, same thing, reading, sleep, then down the hill in the morning. That night I finished the book.

Avea took me to a friend of hers for a great elk dinner,  with dancing and drums afterwards. We four woman sat around as I enjoyed the display of native dance by Christi, our host. After a while there was a sound at the back door. Christi told me her 'wolf friend' must of heard the playing and asked if we would mind if it came into the house. We all said no, that we would be honored. As soon as the door open the wolf came running across the small living room and jumped into my lap and licked me in the face - gee I was shocked. And yes, I was at first almost scared. To have a wolf run in a door and jump into your lap, knowing this is not a dog but a real wolf is well, a blessings, but an unusual event in my life. Oddly enough I recalled that I was given a wolf cub when I was young because a farmer had shot the mother and the teen age son took the cubs from the pack. I asked her wolf to tell mine hello, as the pup was already too sick and died shortly after I got it.  As I have opened my circle of friends, I find that many of my friends have wolf totems.

After that visit with Christi I found that she writes a lot about Rainbows and read some of her published articles when I got back to Avea's. I wish I would have had the chance to speak with her again after understanding why I thought of her as comfortably as I would of an old friend. At that time the I already had a deep understanding of Universal Love, Energy, and Knowledge (ULEK™),  so the meanings of the Rainbow Tribe were very easy for me to grasp, especially after reading "Black Elk Speaks". I have always been spiritually open-minded and knew that there can be a mesh of native earth practices with other ideas and practices. It was just all coming to me in bits and pieces that seemed just a little out of sync.

In early 1999, a lot of information about the Rainbow Tribe started coming to me. I would bump into it on the internet and get mailings even.  I planned my next trip for Montana and a friend and the number one volunteer at the Spiritual Network wanted to go also. She had always wanted to live in Montana and had never been yet. What an honor to be with her as she saw the natural beauty and felt that feeling of being home. If it was not for her I would not have even known about the Medicine Wheel in Wyoming. We planned the long drive so that we would visit the Medicine Wheel before reaching Montana. Things worked out strangely and we did not stop on the way to Montana so we planned on seeing it on the way back, with all the other things we didn't do on the way to Avea's.

I had not given the Medicine Wheel much thought until I was in Montana so I am sure that is why we had not gone before I had the time to understand what was coming. The drive to the Medicine Wheel itself began the magic of my Vision Quest.

The Vision Quest at Big Horn Medicine Wheel

I have arthritis, since I was twelve years old, and this is an important note to the whole wonderfully challenging testament of my vision quest. During our stay in Montana we took a horesride that turned out to be much longer than planed and although I have pretty much cured my arthritis in my knees with doing and teaching Tai Chi, my hips are another story. The drive up there, the hiking, the horseride and then more hours of riding had my hips in pretty bad shape. Sitting hurt and walking was even worse. But as we began the drive to Medicine Wheel I was so enthralled with the natural beauty and energy that I didn't think much about being sore. As we drove upwards I could feel the energy shifts, from each chakra, individually. It was a powerful experience with times of needing to stop at look outs and times of tears of sadness and of joy. I allowed the experiences and heard words from different spirits in the area, some natural and some of the elders.

I knew that the power and energy was growing as we got closer. I understood the majesty of power and how it was all that I was seeing. I felt the layers of power as we drove upwards till we reached a point that felt like the top. I felt completed and in balance, cleared.  I understand this chakra work out and this clearing to be my time before the Vision Quest - the cleansing that a sweat lodge would have offered.

Now, at this point I would like to remind you that I understand that a Vision Quest in ceremony is often done with specific points established, and in a cycle of four days/nights, after a sweat lodge, and also usually after speaking with an elder. I understand that the Vision Quest is one of endurance. It is important that you get to the place of the vision quest with intent, that it is one of a personal will, of pulling strength upwards to reach your destination, a time without comforts, water, or food. It is your willingness to endure, your surrender that can offer you a Vision Quest. These things I knew from reading. 

It was late in the day. The original plans had been to stop for the night and visit the Medicine Wheel in the morning. But we had drove straight through instead, again our plans shifted by circumstance.  Dona and I drove slowly up the Medicine Wheel Mountain past lines of poles marked in various color. I assume for representation if various tribes.   This area was rather barren, without trees, mostly grass, and a steep drive upwards. There were a few other cars behind us. I noted that the car behind us had people of orient decent and thought how wonderful it was that they would be visiting the Medicine Wheel.

They have a ranger station there to prohibit people from driving up to the Medicine Wheel since a road had been put in. The walk was about three miles we were told but that it was getting late and there was no lighting but we should be able to make it up there and back before dark as the sun was only getting ready to set.  The sky had that thick blue cloudy color to it and the Ranger said that often the weather up there was different and we might get a sprinkle if we didn't hurry. Dona said to forget it and she would go the bathroom and we would head out. As she went to the rest room I got out a donation. They have a collection box to assist with keeping the area protected and even though we were not going to go up there I wanted to assist - so I shoved a ten into the box and walked back to the truck. Once at the truck I took off my sandals and put on my socks and tennis shoes. I got out some of my crystals, a Spiritual Network business Card,   tobacco, and the wotai stone I had carried my entire Montana trip. When Dona got back she said we were going. I told her I knew that and showed her that I had already changed my shoes. We grabbed a sweat shirt because we knew how cool it could get as the sun set. This was July. It was about 78 degrees but dropping to mid to low sixties for that time of the day can happen. We were both in shorts and a T-Shirt. We were ready. The thought crossed my mind to grab a snack to take with since it was already late in the day and I am a diabetic and exerting energy before a scheduled eating time was not a good idea. But something stopped me.

I had no idea I was going on a Vision Quest until I was at the foot of the Medicine Wheel Mountain looking up the path. At that moment I knew there was something special about to happen. I heard that I must choose. To go all the way would be difficult but I must choose. I said out loud that I understood and that I was ready as I took the first steps. I didn't think there could be anything too difficult about an upwards climb that was only a few miles; even though uphill walks always take my breath away and we were already pretty high up with thin air. I gave no thought to my arthritis as I started. Dona and I walked slow and chit chatted about the rock formation and looked at and picked up rocks, examining them and then putting them back. We stopped to marvel at clumps of flowers growing from what seemed to be only rock. Dona was ahead of me when I was drawn to a spot of darkness. Caves have always fascinated me and this was a big dark hole that I was drawn to look inside.

The deepness seemed to go forever and whispered from the darkness I heard, "turn around or choose". I stared into the whole a while, crouched down peering inward. I said, "I shall travel the path. I choose to go ahead." I saw some swirling inside and couldn't make out what it was then decided in case if was an animal, like a bobcat of something I had better move back. As I started to rise my knees and hips locked up. I almost stumbled from the pain. My breath felt like it had been knocked out of me and I was having a hard time catching it again. I thought, here we go... I could feel that something was about to happen. I started to follow the trail upward, slowly and almost hobbling as I tried to work my hips and knees out. I said out loud, "I am ready. I have intent. I will make it to the top to give my offering and to ask for a blessing."

The sky darkened a little, not with a cloud that I could see but it got a little darker. I looked into the valley to the right of me. Deep and fertile and saw an eagle flying below me through the valley till I could see it no more. That is when the wind crawled up from the valley. The temperature dropped quickly.  I greeted the Wind and thanked it for the participation. I assured the powers of the East that I understood that they must do this but that I would make it to the top. I see the east as the winds because communication, our words, travel on the wind. East also represents power and this wind was very powerful indeed.

After my thanks, the sun seems to disappear and it darkened. I thanked the powers of the South for making it even colder by taking away the sun to keep me warm in the bitter wind. I continued to walk ahead. It began to hail. I laughed. I could do nothing else but laugh. How funny it all was. July and warm and now it was about forty-five degrees and hailing as I was going to Medicine Wheel. I thanked the North for beating my legs with the cold hail, to beat out and to finish cleansing me with the mix of flurries, rain and hail that I may be worthy. And I thanked the West for bringing this storm that I may complete the journey through my will.

It would have been so easy to turn around. I was only about half way there. I had much further to go plus the walk back down. But I began singing or chanting - whatever you want to call it. I repeated my spiritual self/higher self name KayAhRa in an odd rhythm. I even did this out loud as I trudged upwards. I didn't see Dona anymore. I don't know if that was because she was not there in sight or if it was only because I was in a special place at that time. I continued thanking and telling of my intents. I offered myself to learn, to be open, and to be accepting of the lesson.

When I reached the top, as if someone snapped their fingers the hail,  rain, and wind stopped. The sun shown on me as I walked around the Medicine Wheel. I asked for Guidance.  When I reached the right spot I took my wotai stone and placed it in the middle of my business card and said a prayer for the Spiritual Network. I then ask for myself, to carry a child as I have always wanted to be a mother and I reinforced my promise to Spirit on the terms of raising the child from the journey and talk we had the week before.  I opened my eyes just in time to see my hand throw the stone and it land in one of the circles. This surprised me as I am a terrible throw and I had not aimed. I took this as a sign that my prayers had been heard and would be considered. I left tobacco in offering.

Next I asked if I may have a stone for  very important people in my life. I was directed to leave this spoke. When I got to the next spoke I was shown a path down the mountain side. I could see how the stones where continuations of the Medicine Wheel spoke. I was directed where to pick up a couple stones for Arthur and for Avea. I was then told to leave. At the next spoke I was told that Tree-Song's stone waited and was again guided away from the Medicine Wheel till I could see the still continued energy path and the rock for her.

I was so happy to have stones from there, not from the Wheel but from the energy spokes from the wheel. As I started to leave I passed another spoke. I felt pushed and could feel the intense warmth of the sun. I looked and the sun shown on a small rock that was almost transparent since it was a slivered piece. "This is yours." I heard. I thanked Father Sky for showing me.  A tear ran from my eye as I picked up that small stone fragment.

I walked and passed the circular area from around the Medicine Wheel and started the path away from the wheel and back towards the road. My feet became heavy and their was a gust of wind. I felt like I was standing in something sticky and every time I tried to step my feet would not work right. I stopped. I stood in the Wo Chi position ( from Tai Chi) and allowed myself to ground to Mother Earth. I let the energy flow and became balanced with my eyes shut. I don't know how long I stood there moving my hands in breath work. Then I went into a position called 'holding the ball' but did not hold that position long, maybe only three minutes. In 'holding the ball' your hands and arms are in front of you like you are hold a large beach ball against your chest.

I felt my hands and arms being guided outward, opening up. It was like someone was moving them into a very particular position. This position was not a Tai Chi position but I allowed myself to move as I was guided to move. When my hands stopped moving they were outward like I was prepared to have something given to me, or like a 2x4  was going to be placed on my hands, flat, open, and kind of wide apart.

Indeed I was getting ready to receive my Native Earth Spiritual Name. I believe your given name is like holding the secret to your path. I think the name is telling what you are to do, what path you are to walk, what you are, and will accomplish and then afterwards it shows what you have completed.

When I opened my eyes my fingertip stretched outward past the mountain ridge into the rainbow that was now in the valley where I had seen the eagle. It was like my fingers went into the rainbow perfectly. The exact place where my hands had been guided to! And also from my hands sprung a rainbow that at the top touched the other 'real' rainbow. It is hard to describe in words but I stood there holding the rainbow. Knowing that from my hands there is a rainbow and that the rainbow was not a half circle at all but a full circle. the rest of the rainbow was still inside of me. As the rainbows that we see are only one half and that the rest of the rainbow is within Mother Earth herself. I also noted that the purple was very strong in my hands while the 'real' rainbow had a very strong red. Purple is a special color as that is the color of peace and red is the color of war.  I can still feel the energy of the rainbow in the centers of my hands.

I understood I was Holding the Rainbow,
and that my purple from the rainbow I was holding
would fight and shine over the red, defeating it,
therefore I am a Rainbow Warrior.
I am of the Mother, a Woman.
My name is Holding Rainbow Warrior Woman.

A footnote of interest is that Tree-Song was making smudge bowls and before she heard this story the smudge bowl was finished. The inside of the smudge bowl has a woman holding a rainbow from hand hand to the other! When I told her this story she couldn't stop laughing. Until I received the bowl I didn't see all the humor.

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